Switch Out These Communication Habits To Have A More Fulfilling Relationship

Communication is the only way we coexist and is imperative for maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships of all kinds. John Gottman, a couple's therapist, conducted research and found that certain communication patterns found in couples lead to divorce or a breakup. He called these the Four Horsemen. While it is important to address these destructive communication patterns, it is just as important to talk about healthier replacements.

1. Criticism

Criticism can be described as an attack on another's personality or character often beginning with the word "you". An example is "You are selfish." Instead try using "I" statements which share feelings.

2. Defensiveness

Defensiveness is when someone reverses blame by playing the victim. An easy fix to this is simply apologizing and taking accountability for one's actions.

3. Contempt

   Contempt is seen when someone holds on to negative feelings and thoughts towards another person. A positive replacement for this is simply practicing appreciation and remembering that person's positive qualities.

4. Stonewalling

Stonewalling occurs when someone intentionally withdraws from a situation to avoid conflict. This can be avoided by practicing self-soothing techniques such as taking deep breaths, agreeing to pause the conversation and come back to it shortly, and reaffirming yourself.