The Best Gift We Can Give Someone

For those of us mourning someone, we often find ourselves with a lot of unanswered questions. Why do bad things happen to good people? Will life ever be the same after we lose someone? Does grief ever just go away? Will we ever be able to feel true happiness after someone we love passes on? And are we betraying them when we decide to move on? Jenna, who is just 22 years old, has lost her sister, brother, and her father to Huntington's disease. I had the privilege to sit down with her and explore questions like this. 

Last year, Jenna lost her father. This was an extremely difficult time for her as he was her person. There was a glow within her as she reminisced on the days her father was still alive. Her father completely shaped the way she learned how to love. He was charismatic, kind, and generous. There wasn’t anyone he wouldn’t take in. Even as his body and mind slowly gave up, he would still go out of his way to do things for the other residents or nurses in the nursing home. Whether it was helping make their job easier, making them laugh with a joke, or cheering them up with one of his big and bright smiles. By the end of it, the illness took everything away from him besides the light in his eyes. In a physical sense, he may have left Jenna but there is not a day that goes by that she doesn’t remember the impact of his nontransactional love. 

When I was already in shock with how Jenna lost three loved ones to this illness, she informed me she herself has Huntington’s disease. She discovered this just this past February, a month after her father passed away. On the scale she is about 43 or 45 which implies that she is not expected to see her 50’s or even her 40’s. But this doesn’t faze her. It has actually been one of the biggest blessings in her life. While most people spend the majority of their lives waiting to live, she has permission to live now. 

Alongside, living with a family history of illness, Jenna is also very accustomed to those who are more vulnerable such as those with autism, disabilities, and the elderly. After her parents divorced in 2013, she went through some hard times within herself. She was bullied at school and always felt so isolated. The only kids she was able to connect with were those who were in the special needs program. After school, she began working with children as a nanny and with those in nursing homes. All of them seem to give love and kindness so freely. There is light in their eyes and big smiles on their faces. They don’t spend time gossiping, complaining, or being rude to others. Even though some of them are constantly in pain, bullied, or isolated. Her dog has also offered her love without words or boundaries. Witnessing this kind of love has inspired her to spread it to as many people as she can while she is still living. From all her experiences in loss and in love, she has gathered that above all else, “Love is not flashy. People just want you to sit with them. To be present. They just want someone around.” The best gift we can give to others and ourselves is the ability to be present. 

It is no surprise that we will not live forever. With all the loss and the discovery of her own diagnosis, Jenna is more aware of this truth. She refuses to use this as an excuse to live in fear though. These experiences have given her permission to actually live. To be insanely courageous and fully present. Throughout each day she asks herself what she wants to do. Sometimes it’s swinging on the swing set at night, delivering blankets to the homeless, or volunteering. She has a newfound respect for connection and presence because she has seen firsthand that we don’t all make it to 77 years old. Heck we aren’t promised 50, 40, or even 22. So why not live while we are still alive? Afterall, aren't we all just slowly dying too? 

THAT'S LOVE.

Shana Schoone writes “The Heart of Omaha,” where we celebrate all the ways love is shown in the O.