From Only Child to Three Sisters: A Journey Back Home

What keeps us away from reconnecting with family? What happens if it doesn't turn out how we planned and what happens if it turns out even better than we imagined? Does reconnecting lead to more loss or more love? Does new love fill the void of former love?

Each year nearly 75,000 to 100,000 kids are adopted in the United States. These kids all have a conversation that some of us never experience- "We are not your real parents."

In the 1970's, Mark was one of these kids. While sitting down with him over Zoom, he described to me that he was around 6 or 7 years old when his parents sat him down to have this conversation. They explained to him that they didn't know why his biological parents gave him up and that they couldn't have kids of their own. Mark was satisfied with this. He grew up as an only child who always felt loved and happy in life, so this news really didn't mean that much to him.

His parents adopted him later on in their lives when they were around 45 years old. Because of this, Mark always knew that they would die someday and he would be fairly young when they did. In 2005, his dad passed away from a stroke. Mark described his dad as a man of few words. He loved farming and didn't like a lot of people but was a great person. Mark was moved seeing 350 people attend his funeral. His mom passed away later on in 2011 after battling Alzheimer's. She was also very quiet and kind. Her religion was important to her and she taught Mark that everything happens for a reason. Overall, he grew up in a very peaceful and loving home and that is why he never even thought to search for his biological parents.

As more time passed though, his doctors kept suggesting that he take a DNA test to find out his health history. So after some thought in 2021, he got a DNA test kit but let it sit on the shelf for a year. He feared bringing up any bad feelings by reaching out to his biological family. It wasn't until his stepdaughter got a DNA test herself to find out her ancestry, that he felt like he should take his too. Unfortunately, when his results came back, they only disclosed small bits of information like cousins. Then in 2023, his daughter informed him that there was this woman in Texas called the DNA Angel so he reached out to her. She immediately gave him a lot of information which included the name of his half-sister.

Mark decided it was a good idea to send her a text, "I have a really weird question for you. Do you know if you have a half-brother born in the 70's?" Her response was, "Who the hell is this?" So, he explained the situation to her, and she sent his birth date back to him. Goose bumps. As an only child whose family had passed on, this meant something to him to have a sister. A sister who has been there a while right under his nose.

It didn't take long for them to meet up in Omaha so his mom could express her regret and share her story with him. His parents met when they were on Spring break in Colorado. His father just got out of the military at the time and decided to move back to Omaha with his mom. They only knew each other four months when they got pregnant with Mark. She pushed his father away because she didn't grow up with a father as he abruptly left her family when she was young. She didn't know what to do. She thought she was in love but wasn't sure. She didn't know what love was. Ending her story with, "You weren't a mistake" and "Your father was a great man."

A month after he met her, his uncle on his dad's side reached out to him. After some talking, Mark discovered his father passed away recently. His father never talked about him but Mark knows that he knew about him. After hearing from his uncle, he actually believes his father was still alive when he originally got the DNA test in 2021.

Soon he connected with his uncle on Facebook and it didn't take long for him to receive another message from someone else, "Hey I think I'm one of your two sisters here." Mark thought, "This is awesome. I never grew up with sisters now I have three."

Mark has taken trips to see them in Buffalo and even recalled going to a family reunion. Someone said, "Oh jeez, Tommy. Oh you're not Tommy. I could have sworn you were your father. You look just like him." One of his sisters he later learned held ill feelings for their father because he left their family when she was only six years old. Mark sees and texts her often. They found themselves at a store once and he picked out a shirt that she claims their dad would have picked out in a heartbeat. Mark says, "I think I am her way of making amends with our dad."

He shared with me that it would have been nice to have known his father but he is happy with the person he is today and knowing him would have changed the trajectory of his life. It was a full circle moment for him when he went to visit his grave though. Even though his father didn't talk about him, he knows he cared. Later on, his uncle ended up telling him about the night that Tommy got back from Nebraska. "One night at about 3 am he woke up to this loud car, a 64 impala. He looked out the window and saw that it had Nebraska license plates. He saw his brother get out of it and walk in. The next morning, he saw his brother passed out on the couch. He asked his dad, 'What's up with Tommy being here?' Their dad said, 'Tommy's not doing good right now. You act like nothing's going on and you never ask him what happened.' And he never did."

Mark reflects on having a new family after he lost his, "I thought my story was going to end with me. People always worry about when I die everyone's going to forget me. But if you have people around you that love you for no other reason besides, we have the same father even though we don't know each other. And they are interested to know my story and my story will still exist because of them. That just makes someone feel good."

When you look back on your life, what moments feel like the purest examples of love?

"The very first memory I have- I remember lying down in the back seat driving down the road. I must have been two. Looking outside and the sun was in the sky. I said, 'Mom what is that?' She said, 'Oh that's the sun.' And my mom being very religious she's telling me that's the sun of God. That's God up there watching us. So when I was a kid and saw the sun, that meant that God was watching me. That just made me feel good. Now it's getting a message from someone saying, 'Hey, heard a song today that we used to listen to together. What are you up to?' Or when my wife comes to the living room and smacks my butt for no reason just to be goofy. Or receiving a gift from someone that you didn't know you needed. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself."

Thank you Mark for reminding us that it is worth it to reach out and reconnect with family.

Shana Schoone writes “The Heart of Omaha,” a weekly column celebrating all the ways love is shown in the O.